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Trained in
Collaborative
Divorce
sm
model
Trained in
Collaborative
Divorce
sm
model
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SOMEDAY, MAYBE THERE WILL EXIST A WELL-INFORMED, WELL-CONSIDERED, AND YET FERVENT PUBLIC CONVICTION THAT THE MOST DEADLY OF ALL POSSIBLE SINS IS THE MUTILATION OF A CHILD’S SPIRIT. ERIK ERIKSON |
SELF-ESTEEM ?Developing a positive self-image requires parents’ help. Take all feelings seriously. Don’t say, "It’s dumb to feel that way. Don’t let it bother you." Instead, say, "I hear you. You’re really disappointed, aren’t you?" Don’t dismiss fears as "silly". It is natural for children to have fears. Listen to your child’s fears. Tell him, "It is okay to have fears; I’m here to take care of you. What can we do to make you feel better?" Praise each child for her uniqueness. Do not make comparisons between children; it will only lead to competitiveness and fighting. Let your child overhear you say something positive about him. "Adam swam the whole length of the pool by himself." Put your child in situations so she can see herself differently. "Molly, can you get a screwdriver and tighten this wheel on my bike?" Find opportunities for your child to experience success. Let him make a batch of cookies or build a model or grow a plant in the garden. Give choices; set the available options. "Do you want to wear jeans or sweats to school?" If she says "Shorts," say "That’s not a choice, it’s too cold; the choices are jeans or sweats." Give your child a chance to figure out the answers to his questions. Instead of quickly answering, say,"That’s a good question, Ryan – what do you think?" Encourage your child to use resources. "Maybe the librarian could help us get some information," or "Your grandmother might know how to do that, why don’t you give her a call?" Encourage your child’s dreams and aspirations; do not take away hope; "You want to try out for the swimming team? That’ll be a great experience." If she doesn’t make it, say, "I bet you’re disappointed, aren’t you? Let’s decide we’re going to practice some more and try again." THINGS TO SAY THAT BUILD SELF-ESTEEM I like the way you did that. You’ve just about mastered that! You really make my job fun. Keep on trying! You are very good at that. One more time and you’ll have it. That’s quite an improvement. You are learning fast. You must have been practicing. You are really learning a lot. You should be proud of that work. That’s coming along nicely. You’re on the right track now! That’s the best ever. That’s the way to do it. You make me proud. That’s much better! I like the way you did that. You’ve just about got it. Source: Family Living Newsletter from Colorado State University 20 Ways To Help Your Kid Feel Great Experts in personality theory and child development have found that certain ways of relating to children are more likely to promote high self-esteem. Barbara Berge, Ph.D., a psychologist and child and adolescent therapist in New York, says, "To have high self-esteem a child must feel both lovable and capable. He must believe that he is worthwhile, has something to offer, and can handle himself and his environment." Self-esteem is an important factor in determining a child’s ability to be creative, relate to others, and to achieve. On the other hand, low self-esteem can contribute to vulnerability to a variety of social problems including teen pregnancy, suicide, dropping out of school, and substance abuse. Parents can help increase the odds that their children will feel lovable and capable. The following are twenty ways that parents and professionals in family and child therapy feel that parents can enhance their children’s self-esteem.
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