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Trained in
Collaborative
Divorce
sm
model
Trained in
Collaborative
Divorce
sm
model
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SOMEDAY, MAYBE THERE WILL EXIST A WELL-INFORMED, WELL-CONSIDERED, AND YET FERVENT PUBLIC CONVICTION THAT THE MOST DEADLY OF ALL POSSIBLE SINS IS THE MUTILATION OF A CHILD’S SPIRIT. ERIK ERIKSON |
SCHOOL MORE Usually to be able to share the school week the parents need to be able to do the following: A. work closely together B. meet weekly to discuss children’s needs [children need to not be present] C. be friendly D. be allied E. not live very far apart from each other F. wake up times need to be close to the same in both houses G. bed times need to be close to the same in both houses H. home work methods and times need to be close to the same I. after school friendships need to be the same in both houses J. social activities need to be the same in both houses In short, stabilize four of the five major reasons that children are either going to thrive or fail after divorce: Stabilize the children's: 1. School 2. Friends 3. Best Friendships 4. Social life 5. Sibling relationships THE PARENTAL RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE THE LAST AREA TO STABLIZE. CHILDREN WHO HAVE STABLE PARENTAL RELATIONSHIPS BUT DISRUPTED SCHOOL, FRIENDS, SOCIAL, AND BEST FRIENDSHIPS STILL TEND TO DO POORLY. CHILDREN WHO HAVE DISRUPTED PARENTAL RELATIONSHIP BUT STABLE SCHOOL, FRIENDS, SOCIAL, AND BEST FRIENDSHIPS STILL TEND TO DO WELL. IT IS A PARADOX CLICK Please note this is not saying that parents cannot discover ways to share school time. It is only saying that most children cannot handle it, most parents cannot work closely enough to make it work well. If the parents must share that time, the wisest method is to allow parents to : 1. discover who manages school with the greatest ease on the children 2. discover who the child works with best in regards to school vs. weekend activities 3. discover in whose home the child thrives during school 4. discover a wise person with child development expertise and divorce trauma experience to assist parents in making decisions that will not be based on parent’s needs but on the needs of the children In Short Discover Adults needs must be assessed but please only after the children's needs are clearly defined. It is also wise to exchange the children at school. Do not be at the same place at the same time. It is important that the child not be put on the "emotional roller coaster" of having to stand between the two parents. Family Mediation Service provides after school tutorial services and exchange services. Please call or email to inquire. Exchanges of Children Family Mediation Service provides assistance to parents with exchanging children in an attempt to minimize any difficulty the child may have in transitions and make them as normal and healthy an exchange as possible. Most parents agree that frequent parent child contact is important to establish within some form of a mediated plan in the beginning. Most parents agree that frequent parent-child contact is positive for the child(ren). Most parents agree that frequent parent-child contact should be maintained in the beginning; even if it is more difficult for the parents. Most parents agree to attempt (as often as possible) to transfer child(ren) at a neutral third party location such as school, babysitter, spa, church, or mutually agreed upon relative or mediation exchange center... The above plan is BEST FOR CHILDREN AND possibly the most difficult thing to achieve.... all the pitfalls that can occur in an attempt to achieve the above, can be avoided by using a SAFE MEDIATION exchange center. Most parents agree to not be at the same place at the same time. Both parties agree to attempt to have a 1 to 8-hour separation between drop-off and pick-up times. This is an attempt to minimize any difficulty the child may have in transitions; to attempt to improve transitions and make them as normal and healthy an exchange as possible; and to avoid putting parents in situations where conflicts or emotional distress are more likely. This is also an attempt to set some distance in the adult-adult relationship for a period of time to allow both parties some distance to heal feeling regarding the ending of their relationship. This is an attempt to minimize the emotional distress the child may experience. Children typically attempt to involve both parents in the child's life as often as possible which only confuses children and puts parents in situations where conflicts are more likely. Most parents give the other reasonable prior notice of his/her plans affecting periods of parental responsibility and visits, including definite times for pick-up and return of the child(ren). Periods of parental responsibility involving long distance transportation, holidays, and vacations require more planning. Each parent shall give two (2) weeks prior written notice of out of town travel plans. Most parents agree that they must advise the other parent of where the child will be when a child is not staying at the home of the party who has physical periods of parental responsibility for more than one night. The above plan is BEST FOR CHILDREN AND possibly the most difficult thing to achieve.... all the pitfalls that can occur in an attempt to achieve the above, can be avoided by using a SAFE MEDIATION exchange center. BELOW TO GO TO FORM THAT WILL RECORD YOUR FEELINGS REGARDING THE ABOVE TOPICS |
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