SOMEDAY, MAYBE
THERE WILL EXIST A WELL-INFORMED,
WELL-CONSIDERED, AND YET FERVENT PUBLIC CONVICTION THAT THE MOST DEADLY OF
ALL POSSIBLE SINS IS THE MUTILATION OF A CHILD’S SPIRIT.
ERIK ERIKSON
| | How do I ... ? help my child and myself
WITH
CO-PARENTING
Please feel free to discuss the concepts,
principles,
ideas and skills presented
with
friends and family.
NEVER
EVER
FOR ANY
REASON
HAVE THE
KIDS CARRY MESSAGES
BETWEEN
PARENTS
DO
NOT
DISCUSS
CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS
(FROM
EITHER POINT OF VIEW)
WITH THE
CHILD
DO
NOT
PLACE BLAME
TO THE CHILDREN
DO
STATE THAT
BOTH PARENTS
LOVE THE
CHILD
DO
EXPLAIN
THAT IT IS NOT
THE
CHILD’S FAULT
DO
EXPLAIN
THAT
THE PARENTS
DIVORCED EACH OTHER
NOT THE
CHILDREN
THE
CHILDREN
HAVE A
RIGHT … A RIGHT … RIGHT
TO AN
INDEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP
WITH BOTH
PARENTS
WHAT IS IN
THE PARENTS’ BEST INTEREST
IS NOT
ALWAYS IN THE
CHILD’S
BEST INTEREST
DO NOT
PUT THE
CHILDREN IN THE POSITION
OF HAVING
TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE PARENTS
HAVING TO
TAKE SIDES
NEVER
EVER FOR ANY REASON
DISCUSS
WITH YOUR CHILDREN
HOW YOU
FEEL ABOUT THE OTHER PARENT
DO
ENCOURAGE
THE CHILDREN TO
DISCUSS
THEIR FEELINGS
DO
VALIDATE
THOSE FEELINGS
NEVER EVER
LET YOUR
CHILDREN HEAR YOU DISCUSS
YOUR
NEGATIVE FEELINGS ABOUT YOUR EX
DO NOT
TELL THE
KIDS YOUR TROUBLES
FIND ADULTS
TO TALK TO,
FIND ADULT
COUNSEL
PSYCHOLOGICALLY
!
TELLING A
CHILD THAT ONE PARENT IS NOT OKAY
PUTS A
CHILD IN THE POSITION OF
PROVING YOU
WRONG OR
TRYING TO
FIX A NOT-OKAY PARENT
DO NOT
TELL THE
CHILDREN
THAT ONE OF
THEIR PARENTS IS NOT OKAY
DO
TELL
CHILDREN
THAT THEY
MAY HAVE A DIFFERENT
RELATIONSHIP
WITH THE OTHER PARENT
THAN YOU DO
AND YOU
SUPPORT A LOVING RELATIONSHIP
WITH THE
OTHER PARENT
The
Children’s Bill of Rights
(from
the Children’s Rights Council)
All children
shall enjoy the following inalienable rights:
The right
to be treated as important human beings, with unique feelings, ideas and
desires and not as a source of argument between parents.
The right
to a sense of security and belonging derived from a loving and nurturing
environment which shelters them from harm.
The right
to a continuing relationship with both parents and the freedom to receive
love from and express love for both.
The right
to "listening parents".
The right
to express love and affection for each parent without having to stifle
that love because of disapproval by the other parent.
The right
to grow and flourish in an atmosphere free of exploitation, abuse and
neglect.
The right
to know that their parents’ decision to divorce or separate is not their
responsibility and that they will still be able to live with each parent.
The right
to continuing care and guidance from both parents where they can be
educated in mind, nourished in spirit, and developed in body, in an
environment of unconditional love.
The right
to honest answers to questions about the changing family relationships.
The right
to know and appreciate what is good in each parent without one parent
degrading the other.
The right
to have a relaxed, secure relationship with both parents without being
placed in a position to manipulate one parent against the other.
The right
to have one parent not undermine time with the other parent by suggesting
tempting alternatives or by threatening to withhold activities with the
other parent as a punishment for the children’s wrongdoing.
The right
to be able to experience regular and consistent parental contact and the
right to know the reason for not having regular contact.
The right
to be a kid and to be insulated from the conflict and problems of parents.
The right to be taught, according to their developmental levels, to
understand values, to assume responsibility for their actions, and to cope
with the just consequences of their choices.
The right
to be able to participate in their own destiny.
Ratify
these rights for your children and you will give them better protection than
any law could ever provide.
Putting
Kids First: Walking Away From Marriages and Relationships Without Walking
Over The Kids, by Michael Oddenino, attorney for the Children’s
Rights Council.
ISBN
1-884-886-2039.
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